Learn to date – Part one

This is for both genders…no-one is exempt!

I have become quite taken by a song by country singer Shea Fisher, titled  “Don’t chase me (‘less you’re willing to catch me)”.  In the murky waters of dating and relationships, I believe she has a quite valid point to make.

For some people – too many people – the search for the One has resulted in a long and messy trail of first-and-only dates, short-term relationships, and what seems to be rising levels of infidelity (both men and women) within marriages.

I think relationships are yet another casualty of our retail mentality.  Which is too say, we do a lot of window shopping, cruising from store to store, trying on one person after another, and throwing them aside because they are not “perfect” for us.

Now, I am the last to advocate settling for someone you don’t love deeply.  Settling is a very, very bad thing.  But what I am saying is that if you find someone who is close to your ideal, then actually give them a chance.  Stop making every little thing on your “perfect partner” list into a deal-breaker.  And bear something else in mind – if you do find someone, who is perfect is every respect…what makes you think that YOU live up to their standard of perfection?  Yes, it does work both ways.

Being single, I have my fair share of those one-and-only dates.  Some of them are one-and-only for very good reasons.  Like the guy I met for lunch, who proclaimed himself to be a spirit healer, and then tried to use that to persuade me that I needed to listen to the spirits (through him) and become his lover (yes, this is over a LUNCH date!) in an open-ended relationship.  Open-ended because the spirits had told him he would be meeting his soul mate later in the year, so he couldn’t commit to anyone else.  Er, yes.  The point being, if you meet a loser, nutcase or anyone else waving red flags, run for the hills.  If they are so boring you would gnaw your own arm off to get away, then say “thanks so much, wish you luck in your search, goodbye”.

But if he or she is most of the way there, but just not your laundry list heart-throb…for heavens sake, give them a chance.  At least 3-4 dates in different environments just to see if they do have potential as a person.  After all, if not your one and only, perhaps they might make a really great friend (and one whom you can then set up with your single friends).  Consider it to be networking.  And remember there is no possible way for someone’s great qualities to all emerge in the course of one date.

We create a great deal of misery and loneliness for ourselves because of the way we approach dating.  We often have unrealistic expectations of the other person, and are subsequently disappointed when they fail to perform as we had visualised.  Remember, they are a person too, and may be as nervous as you (or even more nervous!).  Also, there is a tendency to behave differently on a first date – trying to be the person you think the other person wants you to be (this ties into the whole expectation thing).

So essentially, what I am urging is this…try and get past the first-and-only date block.  Give them three or four to allow you to find out more about them.  Treat them as a person and not a commodity.  Dating is meant to be a process of getting to know someone…not making snap judgments.

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Mind your manners (online)

I have read many articles about how people behave differently online.  In many cases, the anonymity of an online profile frees one up from the consequences of speaking inadvisedly.  This has then encouraged some people to be deliberately provocative in what they say, knowing they will never personally be called to account. Continue reading

Baby Bodies (aka un-yummy mummies!)

There are times when women in the public eye really make me want to puke.  They project such unreal images of women, in so many phases of their lives.   The one that really gets me going is post baby.  Six weeks after the baby’s birth, when most women are going in for their post-natal checkup, and have barely assimilated all the changes in their life as a result of the new bundle of joy, actresses, singers and their ilk are doing photo shoots, demonstrating how swiftly their bodies have “bounced” back to normal. Continue reading

Our daily bread…

…except mine isn’t.  Back in November I decided that I was going to completely swear off buying bread.  I have been baking specialty breads for a couple of years now, and when motivated, made regular bread for sandwiches.  But I decided that in my quest to improve all the food in my life, bread had to be one of the first things to be revamped.   In this case, this means making it all myself (dealing with the whole commercial flour concerns will be tackled later in the year – one thing at a time). Continue reading

When the supermarket is empty…

…how do we survive?

This is a question quite a few people seem to be asking at present here in Queensland, at least based on the myriad of comments on news articles about panic buying. Continue reading

Don’t justify being fat!

One of the things that concerns me about our obesity ridden society are the innumerable stories people tell themselves to justify why it’s ok to carry excess body fat or even to be obese.  This is not aided by the amount of research being done into the reasons people gain fat and subsequently fail to lose it, because people fail to understand the implications of the research and simply use it as still another justification. Continue reading

After the deluge

The floods here in my current home state of Queensland have not yet revealed the full scope of the damage they are causing.  Certainly, people can see the loss of lives and property damage.  The estimates of what this is going to mean economically are already being made.

But the matter that has not really been touched on, is what this is going to do to people in that most private of places, their minds. Continue reading